When Friends Ask too Much

If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, is it hard for you to say no? How much do good friends have the right to expect of us in the name of friendship?

One good way to avoid feeling trapped by the requests of others is not to set the trap for yourself. When a friend says, “I’m worried my plants will die while I am on vacation,” don’t rush to say, “No problem. I’ll take care of them for you.” Your friend may be waiting for you to say, “I’d love to water them for you.” Stop and think before you respond. Do you “really” want to plant sit? Do you “really” have time to go over there every day and water plants? If not, you don’t have to give a flat “no” answer. You may offer a solution such as suggesting self-watering pots or suggesting dividing the chore among several friends. Don’t be so quick to commit yourself to something you don’t have time for or really don’t want to do. Refuse to set your own trap. Learn to zip your lip!

Do you have a friend that dumps every crisis in your lap? Many people live from crisis to crisis and they expect you to be there for each one. Perhaps you have been the friend who saved your friend from lonely weekends, nowhere to stay, nothing to wear, no money, or nothing to eat. When a friend desperately cries, “What am I going to dooooo?” are you the one who always volunteers your guest room, a meal, your car, and a listening ear? For chronic, crisis friends what can you do besides bailing them out whenever asked? If you are frustrated from continually being someone’s life preserver, try a different response. Instead of enabling a person to continue a tale of woe time after time, say, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Do not rush to help. Do not feel guilty. Follow up by saying, “You’ll think of something. You always do.” Then do no more.

Where do you draw the line when friends continually borrow things and then bring them back to you late or damaged? One of the best ways to safeguard a good friendship is to decide at the beginning what you will or will not lend. if a friend asks to borrow your dishes, for example, you need to know if they are requesting your good china or your every day ones. If you would prefer not to lend your grandmother’s china ones that can’t be replaced, learn to quickly say, “I never lend my grandmother’s good china.” If you are willing to lend things that can be replaced, make sure that your friend knows whether you expect replacement for anything that’s damaged.

There are times in your life that you never say, “no,” and you don’t have to think about it. Friends may repeatedly ask for help, and you will, without hesitation, rearrange your schedule to be there for them. You will drop everything to go to the hospital, to baby-sit, or to do whatever it takes for them. It may be an inconvenience, but that doesn’t matter. By learning to say, “no,” to the unreasonable demands of friends, you are available for the times when you are truly needed.

Know When to Set Your Boundaries

Establishing and maintaining “boundaries” or invisible property lines takes a lot of work for most people. They are usually met by resistance from people who don’t want change to take place. The person setting the boundary line may not be aware of resistance; and when it comes, he/she may feel that boundaries are just not working. The resistance may come from the outside–from others, or it may come from the inside–from himself or herself.

A person just learning to set boundaries needs much support in order to maintain the limitswhen resistance comes. The most common form of resistance a person gets from the outside is anger. People who get angry with someone for setting boundaries are the ones with the problem. They want to control others; and when they lose that control, they get angry. If a person doesn’t realize what is happening, he will think it is his fault. Remaining firm in a boundary line will help people to learn respect for others.

Someone’s anger toward a person should not be a signal for that person to do something. People without boundaries feel that they have to respond automatically to another’s anger. They do this by rescuing, seeking approval, or getting angry themselves. There is more power in doing nothing.

A person must be prepared to distance himself from an angry person by saying, “I will not allow myself to be yelled at. I will leave the room until you can speak to me without attacking me. Then I will talk with you.”

Another type of external resistance comes in the form of guilt messages from others. A controlling person uses the guilt weapon more effectively than any other. People with poor boundary lines will usually internalize the guilt message that makes them feel bad. An example is, “how could you do this to me after all I’ve done for you.” A boundary setter must learn to recognize guilt messages for what they are. A person does not need to explain or justify his decision or give guilt senders an explanation. A person is in control of his own choices.

Adults who have failed to set boundaries with with their parents may experience resistance through parents withholding money, babysitting services, or some other type of giving. If the person decides to make a different decision than the parents want, the the consequence is for the parents to discontinue the money, gifts, or help that the parent previously gave. The consequence may even be the threat to cut a person off from the family relationship.

A person must first decide what he is getting from having a lack of boundaries and what he stands to lose if he sets boundaries. It is true that a number of things could be lost through setting limits on people. The risk may be too great. On the other hand, the gain might outweigh the losses–a person’s control over his own life, or freedom to make his or her own choices. A person must decide if he is willing to risk loss and face the initial resistance.

Is Jesus an Acquaintance or a Friend?

A mother wasn’t feeling well one Sunday so she sent her little girl to church and told her to remember the text of the sermon. When she came home, the little girls said, “The preacher said, ‘Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt!’”

The mother called the preacher because she couldn’t understand this. He said, “The text was, “Fear not, thy comforter will come.”

Although Jesus’ disciples had been with Him over a period of time, they didn’t really know Him. Jesus was present in the boat with them; yet when the storms came up suddenly on the lake, they were not 100% sure of His concern. Their action showed they had a degree of faith in His ability when they woke Him up and blurted out, “Teacher, don’t you care that we drown?”

When storms come up suddenly and Jesus seems to be asleep in your life, how do you react? Most of us react the same way–worried and scared that He won’t come through for us. We wonder, “Who is this Jesus I am serving? How is He going to help me through this? Doesn’t He care that I’m sinking?”

Although the disciples were with Jesus constantly and were His friends, they underestimated His power to help them personally. They were afraid. They thought He didn’t care, but they were put into this experience not to drown but to see His power demonstrated. They were to get to know Him better as a friend, not just a “Hi” and “Goodbye” acquaintance of theirs.

What happens when you get into a panic situation? Where is Jesus when you feel you are drowning? Where is He when you are hurting? They underestimated His power to handle crises in their lives, and we do, too, mainly because we do not know Him well enough. He is saying to us, “Don’t be scared. You’ll get your quilt!” It doesn’t mean He will rescue us from every storm. It shows His power to take us through the storms. He is our stability in the storms. The disciples also learned this lesson. Throughout the scriptures, He said, “Do not be afraid. Take courage. It is I.” That day they began to believe it. We, too, learn a little bit more about who He is in our life. We build friendship over a period of time and through a variety of experiences. In spite of the wind and the waves beating around our boat trying to scare us to death, Jesus is our security. Yes, storms occur; but Jesus is present, concerned, and powerful.

Do we learn anything from the storms that we can use afterwards? As time goes on in your Christian walk, can you see improvement in the way you handle the storms in your life? What difference does your faith in Christ make?

Begin to write down these experiences and answers to prayer. Where has your friendship with Him deepened? Where is it still weak?

THINK: Is He a friend or a mere acquaintance?
copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree
excerpt from More Moments with Marilyn
Contact me at mzk2000@yahoo.com to purchase this book of 125 two page devotionals.

Cats and Teenagers

Scripture: “The harvest is past, the summer has ended, and we are not saved.” Jeremiah 8:20

It has been said that “Neither cats nor teenagers turn their heads when you call them by name; and no matter what you do for them, it is never enough. All human efforts are barely adequate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did too.”

The people in Jeremiah’s time were similar to cats and teenagers. They did not turn their heads in acknowledgment when God called to them to repent and turn from their wicked ways. They expected God to continue blessing them as if He owed it to them. They lived their lives recklessly not expecting their sins to catch up with them.

Jeremiah explained that their time was running out. Consequences were coming. He related this to the harvest season which they could understand. Certain seasons would come and go. The spring brought wheat and barley. The summer brought a harvest of figs, grapes, and pomegranates. There was an olive harvest in October. Just as seasons come and go, the Israelites had lost every opportunity to turn from their sinful ways. One favorable time after another had gone by unheeded. Now, no one was able to come to their rescue. They were eventually carried off into Babylon.

Have you had opportunities come to you, and you didn’t take advantage of them? Soon they were lost forever. You have regretted that loss for years. It might be a lost career opportunity or a lost opportunity to get a good education. Most of all it could be lost opportunities to live for God. Many people can look back and see many wasted years, but the sad part is that some people still won’t turn. Even when sin’s consequences caught up with the Israelites they asked, “How could this happen? Is the Lord not in Zion?” When inevitable consequence come they asked, “What have we done wrong?”

Many today look at things the same way saying, “Where have I done wrong? I didn’t do anything wrong.” They adjust their theology to their lifestyle and justify their actions.

Do we also justify our actions and deny that our lives are filled with disobedience to God at times? Do we know that sin is sin but still come up with the question, “What did I do wrong?”

One of these days there will be an end of the summer when all humanity will reap the harvest of their actions. Will you be ready for that day? Will I? Will those in our families and our communities be ready?

Jesus provided a remedy when He died on the cross. He is available to us today. Will we avail ourselves of His forgiveness. Many people will walk on by. Not ready yet. The summer is slipping by. The harvest is passing. Are you saved?

THINK: What am I doing with my opportunities?
copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree

Why Me, Lord?

Scripture: “…I am only a child.” Jeremiah 1:6

In an art class some children were working with clay. One talented student had made a beautiful angel with wings. Holding it up for all to see, she asked, “What do you think? Do you like it?”

Everyone in the class expressed their delight and compliments.

Then she molded the angel back into a ball and asked everyone, “OK, now what’s this?”

Nobody could answer except to say, “a ball?”

“Nope,” the little girl said, “It’s a hiding angel.”

The word of the Lord came to jeremiah and said, “I chose you before I gave you life and before you were born I selected you to be a prophet to the nation.” God was saying, “I have always had a plan for your life. This is my purpose in your life.”

Although God’s plan was “hiding” within him all along, Jeremiah was quick to protest.

“Ah, Sovereign Lord, I do not know how to speak; I am only a child” (Jeremiah 1:6). First of all he was saying, “I can’t do this. I can’t get up in front of people. I wouldn’t know what to say. I would get tongue tied. I would really mess things up.”

All of us have had times when we have thought, “Why me, Lord?” We may face challenges or responsibilities that seem beyond our capacity. Whatever our age or situation, sooner or later we get a fair degree of practice saying, “Why me? I can’t do it. I’m only a…”

Each of us have within us “hiding angels” just waiting to be released. They can be released. It may take awhile for us to discover that rather than saying, “I’m only a youth” or our saying, “I’m only a senior citizen, only a woman,” we can begin instead to say, “I’m a child of God. Before I was born I was chosen, set apart, and empowered for something good.” To believe this about ourselves is to give God the opportunity to work out His plan and purpose in our life. God sees possibilities within us that we’ve never dreamed about. We must not only believe in God but in ourselves. Get rid of the “I am only…” Get rid of the fears and doubts. Just as Jeremiah finally allowed God to bring his inner potential into being, we must also allow Him to do it for us.

We limit ourselves with these three words, “I am only…” Jeremiah tried to use these words as his excuse to get out of doing what God wanted him to do, but God didn’t let him get away with it.

We do not serve a God who is far away and unconcerned about our daily lives. He has a plan and purpose for our being here just as He did Jeremiah. He knows all about our “hiding angels.” Our starting point is to receive the Lord into our lives and to follow him daily. We need to believe that when we do, He will not only give us a fresh start but will unfold His plan to us.

THINK: I am a child of God.
copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree

When Recession Takes a Toll on Your Family

Scripture reading: “Rather, pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke her.: Ruth 2:16

The book of Ruth tells about a family who left their hometown, Bethlehem, and went to Moab because of a famine in the land. They were a good, upright family who had fallen on hard times. While they were living in Moab, Naomi’s husband and her two sons died. Naomi felt that the Lord had dealt bitterly with her. Feeling that her life was totally empty, Naomi decided to go back to her hometown where benefits would be a little better for her. She encouraged Ruth and Orpha to go back to their own hometowns as well. Orpha returned to her family, but Ruth insisted on going with Naomi.

They arrived at harvest time although things didn’t look too favorable. The community might not accept Ruth, a Moabite. Here are two women who had put their faith in God, and yet it looked like the bleakest time of their lives. At that time God had not spoken to them or given them a clear-cut plan. Sometimes we don’t always know what to do next in our life’s situations. They may look bleak even if we are a Christian. What can we do when we haven’t heard from God yet? What is the next step?

1. Making the Best of a Bad Situation: Ruth’s life had changed drastically since her husband died. In that culture the only job she could get was a menial one–that of gleaning in the fields. There was a law that widows, the poor, and the stranger could glean in the fields, however, it was not a right but a privilege. Some landowners didn’t want gleaners in their fields and gave them a rough time. Ruth went to work with the expectation that she might happen to get in the right field–that the owner would give her permission to pick up the grain and not treat her rudely.

Ruth went to the field with the expectation of having a good day. She was trying to make the best of a bad situation. We place limits on ourselves as well as God when we say, “It’s not worth my time and effort. The day is just going to be a real bummer. I’m just a loser. I won’t make any friends out there, and I might as well just quit.”

2. Allowing God to Work: When the owner of the field came to check on the workers that day, he asked about Ruth. He got a good report from the others about her willingness to work at a menial job. Boaz said, “let some grain fall also on purpose for her.” Boaz “extended the edge of his field” to Ruth by being generous with the grain, and Naomi and Ruth did the same for one another. Naomi, an elderly widow with few resources, made what she had available to her daughter-in-law, Ruth. She offered her a home in a foreign land, but most of all she shared her faith with Ruth. She extended the edge of her field as much as Boaz did except in a different way. Ruth, likewise, extended her field to Naomi by her willingness to work each day.

3. Extending the Edge of Our Fields: We have opportunities almost every day to extend the edge of our fields to others. We may be in the middle of a bad situation and feel that we are as totally empty as Naomi. God, however, turned the situation around for this family. Boaz, a kinsman, later married Ruth and bought back the family’s property.

Expect God to turn your situation around; and while you are waiting, go ahead and extend the edge of your field.

THINK: Allow God to work.
copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree

Forgiveness–Involves Both Attitudes and Actions

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” Romans 12:14

Corrie Ten Boom said that she had trouble forgiving a wrong that had been done to her. She had made the choice to forgive, but she kept rehashing the incident over and over again and couldn’t get free from it. She prayed, but nothing worked.

One day her answer came when she met a Lutheran pastor. “Up in the tower,” he said, “there is a bell which rings by pulling the rope. After the person lets go of the rope, the bell still keeps on swinging. But finally it slows down. Slower and slower until finally it comes to a final dong and then stops.”

Forgiveness involves both attitudes and actions. Many people say, “I don’t feel I can forgive that person.” If you find it hard to feel forgiving, Paul suggests adding some actions. It is like taking your hand off the rope. If we’ve been tugging at the grievances for a long time, don’t be surprised if the thoughts keep coming for awhile. That is just the old bell slowing down. Corrie Ten Boom said that when she was willing to take her hand off the rope, the thoughts slowed down and finally came to a stop. How do we do this?

Paul tells us to, “bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” What positive actions will help us to take our hand off the bell rope? At the beginning we don’t feel like blessing someone who has hurt us. At times very small actions will help us with the process. Sometimes starting to pray for someone who has done us wrong will change the climate. The thoughts of anger and resentment start to slow down. Pray some good things down on that person–bless and curse not. To receive kindness when it is uncalled for can melt the hardest heart. Some other practical ways to take action are to:

Lend a helping hand
Send a card with a newspaper clipping.
Speak to the other person first and smile.
Congratulate the person on an achievement.
Buy the person lunch.

Paul teaches that forgivenss is a choice that needs to be followed up by positive actions. They are needed to move us away from the hurt and resentment and on to inner healing. One person can start the process. It may not happen overnight but is a process that requires varying amounts of time. Don’t feel guilty if it doesn’t happen as quickly as you think it should. During the process receive God’s gift of forgiveness which brings inner healing. God’s grace brings peace to our hearts when we make the choice to forgive and then take positive actions to “bless and curse not.”

THINK: Both attitudes and actions are involved in forgiveness.
copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree

I Believe in God–Do I Really NEED to Go to Church?

Scripture reading: “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another.” Hebrews 10:25

What about church attendance in the 21st century? Many people say, “I don’t go to church. What’s so important about going? After all, I believe in God.”

Others say, “I suppose I should give God one hour a week.”

The early church had its problems with people who stayed away from church. The writer of Hebrews says to them, “Don’t give up. Don’t fall by the wayside. Look what Jesus has done for you. He has opened up a whole new way of living, and, because of this, draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith.”

Once the people did not have access to God like this; but after Jesus came they were able to enter in freely. Luke 4:16 tells us that Jesus “went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom.”

John Wesley said that “salvation or a genuine commitment to the Lord is just the starting point.” Receiving the teaching of the Word of God increases our faith and builds us up spiritually to handle the conflicts in our life. We must receive the Word of God on a regular basis so that we can overcome the challenges that come to us from week to week. The benefits of church attendance are numerous, but we miss them when we do not take the time to draw near to God.

Can a believer maintain his spirituality and grow in the faith without attending church? It is more of a question of “can a believer afford to lose all the benefits and rewards that come to him through regular and consistent worship?”

Not only do we receive the benfits to our own spiritual growth, but we can also “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24). A right relationship with God requires both a vertical and a horizontal alignment–we have a vertical fellowship with God and a horizontal relationship with one another. We encourage others in their faith when they are discouraged, and they in turn encourage us. Can this take place if we rarely see one another? It would be sporadic at best. Throughout the Old and New Testaments the necessity of setting aside a day each week to acknowledge God’s importance in our lives is not only stressed but commanded. Exodus 20:8 says, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.” In the New Testament the Sabbath gives way to the gathering called the Lord’s day, the first day of the week.

Attendance at church is essential to our fulfilling the Great Commission of Matthew 28. Although believers can be a witness by themselves during the week, it is the dynamic of a group of believers encouraging, challening, and strengthening one another that will reach the lost for Christ. We were not created to be lone rangers.

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart getting the vertical relationship worked out. Then let us consider how we may encourage one another as we live in the challenging times of the 21st century.

THINK: I will strengthen my commitment by attending church.
copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree

Don’t Give the Devil a Ride

“…and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:27

We are often smart in the ways of the world to keep us from falling victim to crime and violence. We are warned, “Don’t leave your doors unlocked, don’t let mail and newspapers pile up when you are on vacation, don’t park in a dark area of a parking lot, and don’t give your credit card number out over the internet.” Children are constantly warned, “Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t get into a stranger’s car.”

This advice is repeated over and over so that harm doesn’t come to us, but why don’t we pay more attention to spiritual safety tips? Too often we fall victim to the temptations of the devil and wonder what in the world happened to us. Sometimes Christians are not very street smart when it comes to the devil. Some good advice is, “Don’t give the devil a ride; he always wants to drive.”

1. Why? This is good advice because he’s out to steal, kill, and destroy. Scripture plainly tells us that “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” (John 10:10). The devil is the thief who comes to rob us and to destroy us, however, I John 3:8 tells us “the reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.”

Today plenty of people are falling prey to his subtle tactics. Before we know what has hit us, we give in to his subtle and harmless-looking temptations. We give him a ride and pretty soon he is sitting in the driver’s seat. We are enslaved by sin, bad habits, and addictions. He drives us where we don’t want to go. Don’t give the devil a ride because he always wants to be in control. He wants to defeat us at every turn of the road.

2. How Do We Give the Devil a Ride?: We allow this to happen by neglect, outright sin, and believing the devil’s lies.

More than anything else today, people are neglecting their spiritual lives. You may feel this is happening to you at times. You might begin to let church slide on Sundays. You justify it by saying, “I’m too busy, have to work, company’s coming, or I’m just too tired to go today. I know I ought to but…” Busyness is causing our spiritual life to be neglected. “How shall we escape if we ignore (neglect) such a great salvation?” (Hebrews 2:3).

You’re about ready to give the devil a ride when you begin neglecting your spiritual life.

Neglect is often followed by outright sin. “Oh, it won’t hurt to do this just once–it’s really not so bad,” we say. Habits are formed by starting to do something just once. Don’t let outright sin lead to a foothold–a habit, an addiction, an entrapment into sin. Some good advice is, “When in doubt, don’t.”

When we start believing the devil’s lies, we give him a ride. Pretty soon we think, “I’m a loser, God’s out to get me, Jesus doesn’t love me. Nothing’s working out for me.” We give him a ride when our inner resources begin to get low.

3. How Do We Get the Devil Out?” I Peter 5:9 says, “Resist him (the devil_ standing firm in the faith.” We have to mean business. Too often we are very wishy washy about taking a stand against wrong. When it comes to sin, keep the doors locked. Don’t stop to pick up the devil when he wants a ride. You’ve got to be forceful and mean business by saying, “No thank you. I’ve got other plans today.”

THINK: I don’t pick up hitchhikers.
copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree

Where Does Anger Come From?

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” James 4:1

At first glance it might seem that anger comes from external sources. For example, a little girl is sent to her room, a teenager is grounded, or an employee is treated unfairly. Life shouldn’t be so hard or unfair. In each case something happened to them. If the little girl had been praised, the teenager given the car keys, or the employee promoted, feelings of anger would not have been aroused in the first place. We often get angry not so much from what happens externally but because of some internal reasons.

1. Selfishness–First of all, we get angry because we don’t get what we want. If our unmet desires are frustrated, we become angry. Children pout and stomp their feet, teenagers have an attitude, and employees refuse to give their best work. The force behind our anger is often the stubborn sin of selfishness.

2. Blocked Goals–When we want something and don’t get it, our goals are blocked. We could react with disappointment, but sometimes it shows itself as anger. Anger seems to hurt less than the pain of failure. Acting out in anger sometimes makes people feel more in control than if they were to cry. Lashing out at someone, blaming someone, may stem from blocked goals. Can you think of a time when you felt angry because of a blocked goal? It may have expressed itself in the form of withdrawal, depression, or in a self-destructive compulsion such as overeating or alcohol abuse.

3. Self-Justification–”I had a right to get angry.” Our selfish responses seem so reasonable to us when we are angry and excuses us from what we said or did to someone else. “I had every right to punch him in the nose. After all, he did something worse than that to me.” When we try to justify our anger, we end up hurting others as well as ourselves.

4. Against God–When we can’t blame others for our troubles, we often blame them on God. If He hadn’t made me this way, I wouldn’t blow up so fast. If I hadn’t been born in this family, I would have better role models and I wouldn’t act the way I do. If God would answer my prayers in this way, I would be happy. If God would give me a better job, I wouldn’t get upset so much.

When you find yourself frustrated or upset this week, look for selfishness. What are you wanting? Look for blocked goals. What is my goal? Am I demanding my own way? Am I justifying my anger by saying, “He/she had it coming anyway.” Am I rebelling against God?

Ask God to show you anger that you are not aware of and to help you to let go of your anger toward Him.
copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree

The Many Faces of Anger

Scripture Reading: “…and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:27

What does anger look like? Is it yelling, pouting, slamming doors, breaking things, or kicking the dog? Maybe, but anger can have a lot of other faces. Some people wear it well disguised under a joke. Others flash it like a volcano. Sometimes it walks into church under a smile.

There are two basic styles of anger. We either Express it where everyone sees it and let the chips fall where they may or we Repress it, stuffing this emotion deep inside us. Repressed anger can hurt ourselves every bit as much as expressed anger–and even more so.

Why would anyone repress anger, hiding it under a smile? Sometimes it is because we are told, Christians don’t get angry–or at least they’re not supposed to.” When we do, we feel guilty and try to hide it the next time. A smile becomes the face because that is acceptable. But underneath we build up resentment. Denying our anger is a self-protective technique, but it is not a permanent solution.

What often happens is that symptoms begin to show up, and we have no idea in the world where they are coming from. We may not think that depression has anything to do with our storehouse of repressed anger, or our self-destructive compulsive habits to overeat or abuse alcohol and drugs. Many symptoms can be traced back to our anger that we thought were buried safely deep inside us. We not only become angry at others, but we become angry at ourselves. Not meeting deadlines through procrastination is often a result of our hidden anger. We punish ourselves by missing deadlines and this takes the focus off of the original anger.

Does this make sense? I think it does, and the first step toward healing is through understanding what has been going on in our lives. An awareness of how we handle things can lead us to freedom from these bondages. Scripture teaches that “then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). What truth?–the truth about ourselves, about sin, and about Jesus. John writes, “so if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36).

Let’s begin to expect the Lord to help us deal with the things which are holding us back from being the person He wants us to be. Let’s deal with that anger.
Copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree

What About Anger?

Scripture Reading: “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…” Ephesians 4:26

In our childhood we all picked up some different ideas about anger. Some were taught that a person is not supposed to get angry, anger should be avoided at all costs, anger or “pitching a fit” is the way to get what you want, or anger should be dealt with head on. Our responses to anger many years later can usually be traced back to what we learned in our childhood about it.

In thinking about your views of anger and how you learned to deal with it over the years, have you ever wondered why you react as you do when someone expresses anger toward you? Why do some stiffen and become defensive, others try to sidestep the issue by pulling their shell up around them, others withdraw and won’t talk, others leave the room, and some fight it out in the parking lot? It may help you to understand your own anger pattern by looking back to your childhood to see how your parents, grandparents, and brothers and sisters handled their anger. Do you handle yours in a similar way? We can probably very easily see some of the similarities.

Scripture recognizes anger as a part of life. Anger in itself is not good or bad, but it can become good or bad. Anger toward social injustices can be directed to bring about improvement in society, for example. Most of the time it becomes detrimental to ourselves and to others.

Undealt with anger doesn’t just go away. there are probably some better ways that all of us could learn to deal with this problem. How can we go about it? Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. What would you like to change about the way you deal with anger?

2. When you go through the next few days try to be aware of when you are angry.

3. What do you get angry about and how do you show it?

4. Pay attention to subtle signs of anger–like withdrawing or not talking.

5. Jot notes to yourself about what you see happening.

6. Ask God’s help.

THINK: In your anger sin not. Keep short accounts.
copyright 2009 by Marilyn Murphree